New & Improved: Progress Report

22 Jun

Come in & sit down, this review seems a little overdue.  Care to explain?

Sorry about that, after coming back from Spain I was a bit up and down. Was very conscious of not wanting to review while I was feeling negative – though in hindsight maybe that’s a good time to do it as it will help monitor improvement.   Difficult to write then, tho (& possibly a little dull as the pity train has uncomfortable seats, no free wifi & a crappy buffet that sells stale gingerbread & coffee that’s replaced flavour with therms-nuclear temperature.  And nobody likes that.)  Today, however, I’ve just been with a friend to pick up her new puppy – hello Artie – & noone can be down when they’ve been smothered in puppies (insert own joke if you must).

So, getting back on track (track, pity train, get it?  get it?  no?!  ok *sniff*):  how was Spain, and more to the point, how did it fit with your aims and objectives?

Spain was ok.  Got lots done, decluttered the house so that it can be rented out for holiday visitors, got some revision done (sat alongside a rather beautiful pool), ate some delicious tapas and didn’t kill the ex.  Even saved him from potential death or at least a rather nasty feeling of unwellness!  that’s got to earn me karma points, surely.  Nothing to do with me poisoning him either.  Moving some bits and pieces in one of the rooms we discovered a snake sleeping under a blanket.  A rather large snake (well, about 5 or 6 foot).  I’ve kept snakes as pets, but am by no means an expert, so couldn’t say what breed it was or whether it was poisonous.  But I do know enough to leave alone.  Ex-H came up with the cunning plan of popping it under a glass with a bit of card.  In the manner of catching a spider.  Tempted as I was to let him try this, I pointed out that it was a 5 to 6 foot snake, and that unless he had a very large glass and the ability to make sure the card (wtf, anyway?!) completely against the glass as he transported it, the snake would get out and he’d be faced with a rather angry snake in his hand, or up his arm (or round his neck …..).  Second plan, lets catch it on a dustpan on a stick.   At this point I saw money making potential (another one of my objectives being to get financially stable!) and asked if he’d wait til I got the video running so that I could fully capture the moment the snake did what snakes do, and coiled itself up and around the pole of the dustpan and towards his arm (or neck …..).   In the end he decided that my solution of moving everything the snake could hide under, leaving door open and leaving the room so the snake could just go out on his own and get some peace, was probably the best solution.  It was and snake was last seen heading under the wood pile.  (though when the mouse ran across my bedroom floor I’d have been quite glad for that snake, although then I’d need a mongoose for the snake and after that I’ve no idea what gets rid of a mongoose.  A tiger?  An elephant? )

All sounds very positive.  How about the exercise and healthy eating, how’s that going?

Despite the heat in Spain, I did get out for a 5k run.  There is something rejuvenating about running with a warm breeze in your face and the smell of jasmine wafting on the air.   The house is at altitude and amongst hills/mountains, so whichever direction you run there are always hills to tackle.  Was pleased that with the triple whammy of height, heat and hills I still managed 5k in about 37 minutes.  Still slower than I used to be, but I got out there and I did it, when I could have just sat in the sun.   I kept drinking to a minimum and only had a couple of alcohol nights (or in one case an alcohol afternoon and night…. with drunken tweets to show for it.   My ‘imaginary conversations I had with Princess Di’ came back to me the next day as sense crept back in over the haze of sangria).  

As soon as I got back to uk, I nipped up to London to meet up with friends and run the Race for Life in Battersea Park.   Fantastic atmosphere, great goody bags and a minute off my last parkrun time.  Next race is nearly here – 10k Race for Life in Bedford, so will be doing a 5 miler at the weekend.

And career wise – how’s the revision going?

Hmm, I’ve bought the latest books if that counts?  Having the books in the house means the information is absorbed by osmosis, doesn’t it?  No??  Perhaps not the best revision plan then.   I started work while away, but since being back I haven’t done much more than attend a seminar put on to help with the studying.   I will be setting up my revision corner this weekend though, planning a time table and getting stuck into it properly.

Now the one I know you struggle with, confidence – how are you feeling about you?

Can we skip that one?  No?  Really?  Ok, I’m still trying.  Reading comment that someone put on my last post they said I didn’t sound like the person they used to know.  I suppose to a large degree, I’m not that person any more.  I feel like I’ve had that person kicked out of me.  But slowly they are creeping back.   At the end of the holiday, the Ex-H commented that they hadn’t laughed so much in ages.  Now, ignoring the question of ‘how come you are laughing more with me than with the girlfriend you now claim is love of your life’, I’ll look on it that if I can put the effort in to be witty and charming and entertaining in front of a man I care nothing about, I sure as hell can drag that out in the company of potentially eligible men!  (before the question – no, I wasn’t doing it because I want him back, I just wasn’t going to let him see me down and I wanted to remind him of what he was missing!).  Up in London, friend and I ended up drinking and chatting with group of really great guys she was working with.  Because there was no pressure and I knew they were all married, I could be the old me.  The response part way through the banter and laughing was ‘I like her, she’s good’ (trust me, from old lag officers who probably still believe women shouldn’t be allowed away from the kitchen sink unless its to pander to them in the bedroom, that is a helluva compliment!!).   The problem comes if I like the look of someone.  At that point I barely dare look at them, let alone talk to them.  The voice in my head goes through a complicated process of “don’t dare talk to them, then they might think that you like them and then they’ll think who is she to think she is good enough to even think about talking to me and expecting me to talk to them in return, let alone ever think she is good enough to think I might like her”.  Like I said, its a weird world in my head.   But, I’m trying.  That trying involves going into camouflage.  Hair has been considerably lightened on a ‘you’re three cuts away’ journey to blonde, I’m sporting bright red nail varnish on the nails I’ve now managed to stop biting, eyelash extensions have been applied and tonight I’m determined to wear a dress and heels rather than my usual jeans.   Its all a bit of a front, but is it a bad thing to have something to hide behind?  At the moment, to quote or misquote Wizard of Oz, ignore the woman behind the curtain.  Instead look at the glitz, shine and smile that’s presented to the public.  Eventually, that smile will be real.


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