Do you remember that episode of Dr Who a few Christmases ago? Where Catherine Tate turns left instead of right and changes the course of the whole world? Everything ends up in chaos and destruction. I was thinking about that as I ran the other night. I wondered if I knew yesterday what I knew today would I be looking at a different tomorrow? Not that I think if I’d taken a different choice would it impact on the whole world (or even that David Tennant, the REAL Dr, would come dashing in- I wish!) but who knows.
What if I’d not changed my mind about going to Spain? What if I’d never left Hampshire? What if I hadn’t looked at ex’s phone that early morning? What if I’d stayed in my first job and not left to be with my first husband? There’s so many points where I could have turned left instead of right. Without the advantage of rewind or fast forward (or very good scriptwriters) I’ll never know how things could have been. All I know and can know is the now. Who is to say if a different direction had been taken things wouldn’t be very much bleaker? What if this IS the life where the Dr and Catherine Tate met up and saved the world? Is this what people mean when they talk about living in the moment? So would I, if the Dr came and offered to whisk me back in the Tardis and change things, would I?
No.
I am where I am because the decisions I made at the time brought me here. When I made them, I made them for a reason. Those reasons, in hindsight or to someone else, might seem crazy. But they were my decisions and they made me who I am and were based on who I am. So I stand by them. They brought me some wonderful, truely amazing moments that I’ll never forget and will cherish in my heart and soul for always. They also brought me some awful moments, which I will try to learn from. I’ll continue to work towards the things I want and to hold on to my dreams, but without torturing myself on the could have beens.
So if yesterday me had today’s knowledge or even tomorrow’s knowledge, I wouldn’t change the things I did.
Well, maybe apart from altering my lottery numbers. Hey, I’m human and fallible, not a Time Lord.
Sent from my iPad
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